I'm ready for a fabulous new year!!!! How about you?

It has been quite a while since I posted, so since I am at my parents, and I am bored, I figure now is as good of time as any.

Things have gone pretty crazy here during the month of December. During the week of David's birthday on the 11th I came down with the flu. It was horrible timing with having to take finals and write papers for a couple of my classes. I ended up doing terribly on everything I turned in during that whole week. It made me realize how badly I wish I owned a Flux Capacitor (you know the thing that makes time travel possible) so I could go back and redo that whole last 2 weeks of school.

School has really been tough on me this last semester. The classes are getting more difficult and time is such a hard thing to find anymore. I don't have any time for studying, which is hard to handle because I'm surrounded by people who get to study atleast 3 hours a night and most of them get to study way more than that!! I am lucky to get in 1 and that is actually broken up between breaking up fights between the girls and picking up after the messes they create while I am studying.

I also have very little time to keep up with all the house work I have: laundry, dishes, laundry, dishes, and of course all the other fun things!! haha but I really hate laundry and dishes!!!!! I mean my house isn't a disaster, but it is so disorganized and that drives me CRAZY!!!! Especially with my horrible OCD!!!!!

Another thing I do not have any time for is just relaxing and having some time alone with David or getting to hangout with my friends. I just feel like all I do is juggle between being mommy and student and there isn't any in between---and I still don't feel like I'm doing that fantastic at either of those two. It just seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day.

All of this stress and the lack of time has really made me start to wonder what it will be like once I'm in medical school. I mean it's not going to be any easier. Sure the kids will be older, but I still won't have any time. I feel guilty because I know if I was just done with school and had a job I could be providing something to the family. Right now I feel like everything is just so stressful because I'm constantly so stressed!!

Things between David and I are good though. He is so understanding and is always there to tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty and that I'm doing the best thing for my daughters by getting a good education that will be able to provide for them in the future.

I understand that becoming a doctor will definitely bring us in the money, but what good is it if I can't be involved in there lives to enjoy life with them. There are so many things I want to do and be there for; such as, I would love to coach soccer for my girls, but how will I do that if I am running my own practice or if I'm shacked up in some hospital on call all the time. I'm just so torn.

Medicine is my passion. It is definitely what I want to do. I want to use my knowledge and my sincere care for the person I am treating to impact the lives of my patients. I want my patients to come to me and know that they have someone who truely wants the best for them not only in health but in life as well. I want to be in a position to treat the person inside and out and make them feel better about whatever situation life may bring them after seeing me. I want the love God has given to shine in each of my patients' eyes as they leave my office. I want them to know I'm better as a care giver because of them. I want them to know I treat them as if they are family, not just an illness or disease.

I know becoming a doctor will lead me in this direction, however, I know the Lord put me here for 2 very specific reasons and I don't want to minimalize them: Abby and Laynie. I know the best thing I could do for the world is to make my children the best little contributors to society that they could possibly be. If I can raise my daughters to spread the love and knowledge of the Lord, then my job will have been done adequately. However, to ensure my daughters are brought up the way they need to be, then I need to be present.

I have really been thinking about what I should do career wise. An option that I have been toying with for some time is a Physician's Assistant. I could do what I truely love, and still have time to be there for my family. I wouldn't have the M.D. label behind my name or the Dr. in front of it, but you know that is ok with me.

I don't know though, I mean I still am looking into medical school, but I am definitely checking all my options. Maybe the Lord has something in store for me that I haven't even began to imagine.....who knows what life may hold.......

Thanks for reading my random thoughts. May you have a safe and blessed new year!!!!

xo, Heather