Whoa baby!!!!

About 6 years ago, I walked into a bathroom with my small shaken hands grasping onto a little white stick that would be the determiner in which path I would travel in this life. Through a small window, that was no bigger than one of the fingernails on my ice cold hands, a tiny line appeared that would forever change my life.

It was at this moment I had questioned why God would put a tiny child in my body, itself not yet fully developed, to nurish one of the most Heavenly gifts God grants a woman. Why now? Why me? Hadn't I had talked enough with God for him to know I wasn't ready or able to be a mommy? Hadn't I made my plea to him strong enough? I mean I was still a young girl myself!

It's funny at the moment of trial in our life how much we forget that God's plan, no matter how big or small, has already been set in place before you or I were even a squirmy baby in our own mother's womb. It's hard during tough times to look to the future and see how everything is going to be ok, it just takes time. I had always loved the quote by Mother Teresa that goes something like this: "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."---I just didn't realize how much this quote was going to ring true in my own heart.

If it weren't for that little pink line, I would be nowhere near the woman I am today. I would be nowhere near as understanding to God's Will than I am at this very moment. I THANK GOD EVERY DAY for the little pink line that made me who I am today. I love Abby so much, and I knew from the first ultrasound that her little body was of God, and it was my duty to raise her in a loving Christianly way. It's little moments like these that prepare you for your tomorrow.

A week ago, I was back in the bathroom. My icy shaken hands were once again grasping a little white stick that was my "crystal ball" into the future. During my two minute wait I prayed, unlike 6 years ago when I prayed for the line not to appear, I prayed for the Lord's will to be done and for me to have the strength and faithfulness to serve him in whatever way he was about lead my life.

Sure enough there it was again, a tiny pink line, that would be insignificant if it appeared anywhere else but my magical stick that predicts the future. In the midst of this new news, and having to wrap my brain around the reality I was going to have 3 little ones, I was brought to tears thinking about what a blessing this truly is. Despite not being as well off financially as I would like to be, I am grateful at how close to God I feel knowing a little piece of heaven will be with me internally for 9months. I am grateful that the Lord knows me better than I know myself. Even if there's someone out there who may think I can't handle this right now, with all I have going on with school, I know the Lord believes in me for "he will not give me anything He thinks I cannot handle".

At this moment I have but one choice as I see it. This tiny little love of a baby would come, slipping from my body into the doctor's hands and then mine. How would I greet this precious heavenly face? This is someone who will know my voice, my smell, my touch, he/she will be one of only 3 people who know me from the inside out. Will I cradle and rock this little baby with joy, or would I clutch his/her little body in my hands the way I did the little white stick back 6 years ago with worry, fear, and lack of faith. I must choose joy. I must surround my baby now and always with the assurance that he/she is not a mistake for God knew and God doesn't make mistakes. So feel free to ask me: am I excited, am I happy? I will happily turn to you and say: I am faithful and feel blessed to have the assurance from God that he will not give me anything I can't handle!! :)

xo, Heather

Time for something new....

Well, I'm over due for an update on our little life here in Evansville, so I guess I will start with this: If there is one thing that is certain in life, it is that everything changes!

Wow things have really started off different for us in 2009!! David has just changed jobs, which I must say is very stressful!!! Money is tight, and his current job is not what he was hoping it would be. We are still hopeful that something better will come along, and we are praying the Lord's timing will be better than our own!! :)

You would think during times of stress and times of uncertainty it would be easy to just dive into a pit of self pitty---for some that may work, but not for me. Everything that happens in life, happens in God's time, not my own. Right now it may appear to be "bad timing" or "bad luck" but in a year or two from now, I am certain I will look back at our current struggle and realize it got us to where we needed to be.

I'm sure 2009 will hold many more surprises, good and bad, for my little family. I welcome anything God has instore for us. I pray he opens my eyes and heart to see his plan and to understand what he has in store for me exceeds my own plan.

How can I sit back and complain about my husband not having the best job, when there are people out there that would give anything to just have a little bit of the happiness I have in other areas of my life. I have 2 beautiful healthy little girls, a loving husband, a wonderfully supportive family, fabulous friends, and my own health and well being. What we are going through right now is minor compared to some people who have to say goodbye to loved ones, don't have a home, have no one to help them or care about their struggles, or have a child who is ill. We are very blessed, and that is how I choose to see it!

I'm completely content on waiting for things to fall into place. I'm willing to accept any new trial the Lord may have for us. I'm also here to be supportive for anyone else who may have their own struggles. I strongly believe that you need to be the person for someone else, that you would like to be there for you.

This blog went a little deeper than I initially set out to write, but it's how I feel at this moment.

Loves, Heather